just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I faked an abortion last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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