You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
