Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
