it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
