i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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