One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
