she was so not down for the gang bang
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
