I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My feet surprised me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
