are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
