Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
