Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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