I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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