its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
