God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
