I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
