so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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