My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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