Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
