i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
