My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
