dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
