Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
