i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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