i was rollin on her like bob the builder
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
