Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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