I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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