Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
