Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
