HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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