u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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