Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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