Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize