did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
this will be a night to untag.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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