When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
