I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
