theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
