You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
