What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
