It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
