Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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