good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
