Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize