There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
