My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm too high and old for this...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
