Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize