If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
