we have pet lesbian snakes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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