Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
