After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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