Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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