I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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