When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
