Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize