best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
