Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
