I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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