hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
