She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
