When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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