just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
