What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize