(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
