fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I forgot how hot balto sounded
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
