I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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