Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
