my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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