I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize