the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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