I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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