Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize