His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
