he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
