apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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