I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
