I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
