Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My liver just had a heart attack.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
