Already got asked if we're dating
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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