I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
