Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
