he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize