chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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